The Big Difference

A surgeon took his car to his local garage for a regular service, where he usually exchanged a little friendly chat with the shop owner, a skilled but not especially wealthy mechanic.

"So tell me doc," says the mechanic, "I've been wondering about what we both do for a living, and how much more you get paid than me..."

"Yes?..." says the surgeon.

"Well look at this," says the mechanic, as he worked on a big complicated engine, "I'll check how it's running, open it up, fix the valves, and put it all back together so it'll work good as new. We basically do the same job don't we? And yet you are paid ten times than I am - how do you explain that?"

Important Instruction

Mrs. Gina Cole's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. 

But he couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!"

Philippines Or China

An old man walks into the University Office and says "I'd like to enroll for a Filipino course". The dean looks at him and asks shyly, "How old are you, sir?"

"Ninety-three" was the reply. "Then why do you want to learn Filipino, at your time in life?"

"Well," the man explains "I realize I haven't got long for this world, but if I go to Heaven I'd like to be able to speak to God and the angels in their own language, and I'd feel more comfortable if I knew some Filipino".

Taunting God

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there was no God. He said, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am God, I'm still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes as a big 240-pound Christian marine happened to walk by the door on his way to a school recruiting meeting. He stopped and listened to what the professor said.

Something To Share

Prayer is not a “spare wheel” that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a “steering wheel” that directs the right path throughout.

Do you know why a car’s windshield is so large & the rear-view mirror is so small? Because our past is not as important as our future. Look Ahead and Move On.

Friendship is like a book. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don’t worry, they can’t last long either.

Jesus Saves

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So the two sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some reports. They made cards.

I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. "None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." 

Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for you ma'am. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" 

The BIR Man

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing P1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze out one more drop of juice would win the money.

Many people had tried like weightlifters, lumberjack, and the like but nobody could do it. Until a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick eye glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."

You Asked For It

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

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