White Hairs

One day a little boy was sitting and watching his father do the carpentry works at the garage. He suddenly noticed that his dad had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to his black head. He looked at his dad and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Dad?"

His father replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

Wanted: PARENTS

Be prepared, this is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!

POSITION:  Mom, Dad, Mommy, Daddy, Mama, Papa, Ma, Pa

JOB DESCRIPTION

Long term, team players needed for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work in variable hours which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. 

RESPONSIBILITIES
  1. The rest of your life.
  2. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs 5bucks.
  3. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
  4. Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule (someone who can be ridden, or be forced to carry heavy objects for no pay or gratitude) and be able to go from zero to 60mph in three seconds flat in case.
  5. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
  6. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
  7. Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
  8. Must be willing to be indispensable.
  9. Must be able to handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap plastic toys and battery operated devices.
  10. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
  11. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
  12. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION

None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION
  1. Get this! You pay them!
  2. Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
  3. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
  4. When you die, you give them whatever is left.
  5. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do... or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

AND A FOOTNOTE? THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!

If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents!

Keep Laughing, best medicine for the heart and mind.

Brotherly Love

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with his five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, he asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest in the class, answered, "Thou shall not kill."
"How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!" Psalm 133:1
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Great Swimmer

Three young boys were boasting about their grandpas.

The first boy, an American, said: "My grandpa is a great swimmer. He can swim for hours before getting out of the water!" 

The second boy, an Arab, said, "That's nothing. My grandpa always goes swimming at 6:00 in the morning every day, and only comes back at 9:00 in the evening because my grandma says he has to!"

The Verbal Wound

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence...

First on the Sun

One day, an American, a Russian, and a Filipino were talking.

The Russian said, “We were first in space!” The American said, “We were first on the moon!” The Filipino said, “So what? Haven’t you been reading the newspaper? Our economy is doing very well. Mark my words, the Philippines will be a First World country. And we will be the first one on the sun!”

Me First, Me First!

One day, while Daddy was cooking pancakes, his two small boys were fighting over who would eat the first pancake Daddy would cook. Both of them said, “Me first, me first!”

Their father shook his head and said, “Boys, boys, if Jesus were here, he would say, ‘Dad, let my brother eat the pancake first.’

Mark, the 5-year old, told his younger brother, “Ace, you be Jesus.”

"The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him--may your hearts live forever!" Psalm 22:26

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I and ME

"There's no I in TEAM!"

How many times have you heard that? If you took my friend's sales training course, you heard it plenty. But he stopped repeating it after one trainee reminded him, "Maybe there's no I in team, but there's definitely an M and an E."

"Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips." Psalm 27:2
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The Normal Person

Part of the application process for my previous employer was to undergo neuro-psychiatric test in the Mental Hospital. While on the psych ward, my colleague asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient.

"Well," the director said, "we fill a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask him to empty the tub."

"I get it," my colleague said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's the biggest."

"No," the director said. "A normal person would pull the plug."

''Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many." Proverbs 10
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The Beer Drinkers

An American, a Japanese, and a Filipino are at a bar. When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug. The American politely asks the bar tender for another beer, then proceeds to sip it. The Japanese spills out just enough to get rid of the fly and quaffs the rest. 

It's now the Pinoy's turn. He sticks his hand into the beer, grabs the fly by the wings, and shouts, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
"In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper." Psalm 32
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ISA for All

  • A True Friend - All we need is a little bit of everything and a whole lot of ISA. Sometimes you will feel upset when a mutual friend supported someone else’s point of view...