The Apple, The Lemon, And The Grenade

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane.

Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, “little girl, little girl, why are you crying?” and the little girl said, “an apple came down and killed my new kitty”. Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, “little boy, little boy, why are you crying?” and the little boy said, “a lemon came down and killed my new puppy.”

Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, “why are you laughing so hard?” and the blonde said, “I farted and the building behind me blew up!!”

Employers And Employees

Management always show the employees the rosy picture of a long term benefits and make them work as donkeys sitting on their backs and getting the work done.

Labor & Heart Pain

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.

Love Your Job and Be Patient

A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel ice cream shop and sat at a table. The waitress approached him and put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied a number of coins in it. "How much is a dish of plain ice cream?" he inquired. The waitress was a bit impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she said.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. After finishing his meal, the boy paid the cashier and departed.

When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies - her tip.

The Funny Bunny

Papa Turtle is telling his son a bedtime story.

"Once upon a time, there was a white bunny." "Aw, c'mon, Dad," says the boy. "That's kid stuff. What about some science fiction?" "All right. Once upon a time, there was a bunny in outer space …" "Dad! Make it more grown-up." "Okay, okay. Promise you won't tell Mom." "I swear."

"Once upon a time, there was a naked bunny …"

Happiness: A Valentine Message

What is the definition of happiness anyway? There are so many ways to find happiness.

Here are some happiness quotes and some happy thoughts to inspire you.

Finding happiness is like finding yourself.

You don't find happiness, you make happine
ss, you choose happiness.

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

True happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

True Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.

Happiness is never stopping to think if you are.

Let's define happiness as a feeling of contentment created when all of one's physical, emotional, psychological, intellectual and spiritual needs have been gratified.

Say thanks for the joy and happiness in life
and trust that God does indeed want you to be happy.

The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so.

If you want to be happy, be.

Happy Valentine's Day to all, and enjoy your breakf
ast moments.

The Beer Drinkers

A businessman, a bum , and a drunk are at a bar.

When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug. The businessman politely asks the bartender for another beer, then proceeds to sip it. The bum spills out just enough to get rid of the fly and quaffs the rest. It's now the drunk's turn. He sticks his hand into the beer, grabs the fly by the wings, and shouts, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

Have a funny breakfast moment. And that's how they love the beer!

Who Owns The Stray Dog

Who owns the stray dog?

One day, a priest saw a group of kids surrounding a dog. Curious, he came over and asked, “What are you doing?” One kid said, “Father, we’re arguing as to who would own this stray dog. We all want him. So we decided that the one who can say the biggest lie would take home the dog.”

The priest shook his head and said, “That’s wrong! Do you know that lying is bad? It’s against the commandments of God. Do you know that when I was your age, I never told a single lie?”

For a moment, there was silence. All the kids looked very sad. The priest was happy. He felt his message hit home. Finally, the smallest boy said, “Okay, no one can beat that. Give him the dog.”

Have a funny breakfast moment.

Never Give Up

Learn perseverance, persistence and determination - get that 'never give up' attitude.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." - Thomas A. Edison

People have always known that persistence and perseverance are a key ingredient in success. Hence the old saying "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again". Recent psychological research has backed this up. Studies of successful entrepreneurs show that the millionaires in this world possess a tremendous level of perseverance - they stick at it not just when the going gets tough, but even when others tell them to stop.

"Patience and tenacity of purpose are worth more than twice their weight of cleverness." - Thomas Henry Huxley

Relaxing and Taking It Easy

A story is told about a tourist who chanced upon a fisherman strolling by the sea. Asked what he was doing, the fisherman said he was just relaxing ang taking it easy. Not wanting to let the occasion pass without teaching him a lesson, the tourist went on to admonish the fisherman to work hard so that he could have more money.

"What for?" the fisherman asked. "If you have more money, then you can relax and take it easy," the tourist responded.

"Well, that's what I'm doing now, relaxing and taking it easy," replied the fisherman.

Have a rich breakfast moment.

Romantic Valentine

Peter, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in the Philippines.

The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'

Peter thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".' The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'

Peter retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.

Patience, Humor, and Sacrifice

The story is told about a young man who walked over on the table of an elderly couple, on a beautiful morning, and said: "Lolo (Grandpa), I can't help but be inspired and be edified. I saw you buy a burger; give half of it to your wife, and you just kept looking at her while she ate."

The old man looked at him smiling and replied: "Oh, that. You see we have only one set of dentures. I had to wait for her to finish her half."

Enjoy your breakfast moment and remind ourselves that true love requires lots of patience, humor, and sacrifice.

NANO: The Cheapest Car

A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down, and his fly wide open.

His secretary walked up to him and said, 'Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage-door?' This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done with his paper-work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up! He zipped it up and remembers what his secretary had told him, and finally understood. Then he went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.

When he reached her desk, he said, 'When you saw the garage-door open did you see my Jaguar parked in there?' The secretary smiled for a moment and said, 'No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a NANO with 2 flat tires!'

Have a funny breakfast moment.

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